My king and queen were too flat.
Ironically, I do have a girl who is literally flat, but that's by-the-by.
Fortunately, it didn't take me too long to work out why, and also to apply a good deal of character CPR.
Just as we give our protag clear goals and desires, the same is true of our other characters.
My king and queen want to suck Penpa's soul.
But why? And, more importantly, how can I convey this without slowing the pace?
I began with the idea that souls are their sustenance: they feed on souls in order to live.
'Let us taste the sweetness of your soul,' says the king, licking his lips.
Well, that's okay I guess, but it's not special, and the lovely John Jarrold told me that only special writing gets picked up these days.
So I thought a little harder.
And I came up with the idea of sexual pleasure.
Instead of a necessity, my king and queen should be whimsical and selfish, taking lives for their own pleasure. Instantly, their characters begin to radiate fresh and vivid colours.
And the pace?
As Sunset Bickham suggests (and ricardo too in a recent post), dialogue serves as a rapid delivery system.
So dialogue alternates rapidly between king and queen, and the sexual undertones are obvious. (I wrote, as I always do, as many theme words as I could think of. I also hit the sensory stuff full-on and 'taste the sweetness' became 'savour the saltiness'.)
Quirks are good, and I had the king and queen locked in a sexual game of simile creation ('Let your soul slip from your bones like ...'). Hey, you're welcome to make suggestions if you want ...
The king's similes are unimaginative and raw, and the queen's are powerful and poetic. Show, show, show.
And their attire: sure, the king had a crown set with jacinth and the queen had a crown of leaves.
Dull, dull, dull. No character at all. (Don't hit me: it was only first pass material!)
Now the king wears a crown of knotted tongues and the queen a diadem of pulsating arteries.
Oh yeah, baby: saved by the theme!
And the queen has a staff topped by a glowing gem.
Nope. The queen has a staff mounted by a glowing gem, and she pulls it between her thighs.
Yep.
And the tongues wag into life, and the keywords intensify, and the king and queen lose themselves to their game as the camera switches from one to the other at speed and pulls right in to the scene and Penpa will surely die to sate their wicked carnal desires ..!
I remember years ago having a mock driving test with my instructor. I stalled at a junction and asked her if the examiner would fail me for such an infraction.
She replied that I'd be fine so long as I kept cool and remembered my training.
With all these techniques at my disposal, I do feel a certain calm: a belief that, when these problems occur (and they will always occur), I'll be able to identify them and find the root cause and then make amends for my stupidity. And I fully intend to continue learning!
8 comments:
Great stuff... but isn't this a kids' book?
Ah, now there's a can of worms.
Depends if you're asking me or those who classify novels.
Take His Dark Materials: Pullman's three novels are classified as 'children's' books, and yet I very much doubt that children read them; certainly, I feel that young children would be unlikely to enjoy them.
Know your audience. I'm writing for adults, including young adults. I'm very definitely not writing for children.
Note that Pullman makes sexual references throughout his trilogy (and neither he nor I are overt). And then consider the torture and violence, and then the weighty philosophies and themes.
Beyond these observations, I really don't fancy wrestling with any more worms.
Yep, great stuff! I've always believed you had to give the story of Penpa your best shot.
I think it's a given that you have covered, or are about to cover, the emotional aspects of your tale. (And don't say you haven't, or are not sure that you have - I'd be disappointed to read you saying that.)
In light of that, I'd be even more disappointed if you have misjudged the breadth of your audience. It will probably be the single-most important question levelled: who will read it. I've always felt that this had the makings of a great children's story, able to be read by anyone. It seemed a natural asumption on my part. Probably why I may be wrong. Adding the sexual content has lopped a huge chunk from your audience. You can't now approach agents with an all-aged story. I can see you intend this for young adults+, and so be it. Just that it is a hugely major decision. I'd love to see it published and hope you are 100% happy with that decision. Just consider it more, if nothing else. It's probably a mighty big worm in an otherwise wormless can :-)
Yes, you're quite right Esy.
I guess this is a can of worms that I must investigate.
As such, I've pitched the question to John Jarrold and will post any reply here.
JJ's quite happy for your questions is he?
JJ has a forum and I had to sign up to pitch him the question.
Probably ruffled a few feathers going straight in there, but where else can you turn for that kind of insight?
Anyhoo, I didn't really get a straight answer. John said:
'I'd certainly suggest that you look at other fantasy novels out there in the YA market, books by authors who have come to prominence in the last few years, since those are the authors a new writer will be compared with by publishers' editors...'
What I was after was the guidelines that are used for classifications.
One member said that it's a very grey area and that you learn the rules as you go along. He also suggested that first-timers need to tread more carefully than established writers.
Other members argued about whether Spirited Away (an example I used) is anime or not, reminding me of why I'm not a forum person ;o)
So I'm not really any the wiser. If there's nothing else contentious in my novel (and I don't think there is), I reckon I'll remove the staff-between-the-legs bit, just so's I don't deprive myself of extra opportunities.
It's down to you, then!
Had some more feedback from JJ.
He reiterates that I must focus on the fantasy market and stop my flitting from genre to genre.
You know, Hemingway would only compare his abilities to dead authors.
I might have to reassess my values: until now, I've been working on the assumption that all I needed was a captivating story and the ability to tell that story well.
Having a rough morning: five hours in and I've only got a couple of hundred words and no fingernails. Chapter two is killing me and the self-doubt is turning my thoughts to the idea of a peaceful existence without writing.
What if I'm going about all this completely wrong?!?
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